


I tried to do handstands for you but every time I fell for you

by jack_the_giantkiller



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3460313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jack_the_giantkiller/pseuds/jack_the_giantkiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric wakes up with a set of yellowing bruises, someone else's phone, and a series of texts apologizing for elbowing him in the face. Hawke would really like to forget that she elbowed a stranger in the face while trying to hook up with him. And also, she wants her phone back. For the TFLN challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I tried to do handstands for you but every time I fell for you

**Author's Note:**

> A f!Hawke/Varric Modern AU; with minor Varric/Bianca
> 
> For the Texts From Last Night Fic Challenge.  
> Prompt: (330) woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in the face"

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [9:13 AM] I remember like, three things from last night

■ [9:13 AM] Truly awful whiskey at the hanged man

■ [9:14 AM] Elbowing you in the face when we were making out

■ [9:14 AM] That thing you did with your tongue

■ [9:16 AM] I'm REALLY sorry I elbowed you in the face

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [9:25 AM] and it turns out i have your phone. seriously, i’m in your phone as “girl who elbowed me in the face”?!

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [10:43 AM] Well shit, if I did 'that thing with my tongue', I already forgave you.

□ [10:43 AM] My face? Maybe not as forgiving.

□ [10:44 AM] Am I in your phone as the guy I elbowed in the face? I have to know.

□ [10:45 AM] Ooh, “Hot dwarf”, I like it.

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [10:47 AM] Shut it.

■ [10:51 AM] a number named Bartrand is sending increasingly angry messages about a meeting you missed.

■ [10:53 AM] I told him that we hooked up and switched phones and he doesn't sound any happier

■ [10:53 AM] Sorry

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [10:55 AM] Text me his number- I need to call him. 

□ [10:56 AM] you free for coffee later? We can swap phones

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [11:01 AM] (617)-555-0181

■ [11:01 AM] Meet you at Athenril's at four?

■ [11:05 AM] If ‘Gamlen' texts, feel free to tell him to go fuck himself

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [11:07 AM] Athenril's, really?

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [11:10 AM] Says the guy who lives above the Hanged Man

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [11:13 AM] So I would know.

□ [11:14 AM] Daisy's Place. It's in the alienage, but it's one of the better places in Lowtown

□ [11:14 AM] I'll drink shitty ale, but don't mess with my coffee.

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [11:16 AM] Mental note, swap yours for decaf at some point

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [11:17 AM] do that and I'll make good on the elbow in the face you owe me

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [11:19 AM] you'd have to grow a foot first, shorty

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [11:21 AM] ha ha very funny, short jokes. i see how it is.

□ [11:22 AM] Meet you at four.

 

[LATER]

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [1:33 PM] Your music taste is terrible.

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [1:45 PM] Excuse me?

□ [1:46 PM] Let's see what you have, before you throw stones.

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [1:52 PM] Wow, my taste is terrible, that's great coming from Miss “Orlesian Lions”.

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [1:54 PM] I'll elbow you in the face again

■ [1:54 PM] wow sorry

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [1:59 PM] no no, it's good. Nice to know my place in the world

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [2:10 PM] So

■ [2:11 PM] Sex with you was fun

■ [2:12 PM] Despite elbowing you in the face, thus embarrassing myself forever, I'd still like a repeat performance

■ [2:13 PM] Can we do that, or have i completely ruined my chances

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [2:16 PM] well, I'd hate to deny you a second chance to further embarrass yourself

□ [2:17 PM] and hey- it was good. no complaints here.

□ [2:18 PM] Don't worry about the elbow.

□ [2:18 PM] I mean don’t do it again, but…

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [2:20 PM] Oh good

 

From Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [2:24 PM] I hate to destroy my suave reputation, but I once tried to seductively move to eat someone out- and fell off the bed

□ [2:25 PM] she was laughing too much to keep going afterwards, and I had to show myself out

 

From: Hot dwarf from the hanged man

■ [2:26 PM] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

□ [2:29 PM] So, worse things have happened during sex than a little bit of elbowing.

□ [2:30 PM] I have to see what's going on with that pointless meeting after we get coffee, but let me know when you're free and we can pick up where we left off last night

 

[LATER]

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

■ [5:25 PM] coffee was great Varric- see you later?

■ [5:26 PM] Maybe I should practice not elbowing people in the face when they're trying to kiss me

 

From: Varric

□ [5:31 PM] well, my face would appreciate it, but my ego might be a little bruised.

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

■ [5:32 PM] your ego is fine

■ [5:33 PM] i’ll be at the hanged man sometime tonight

 

From: Varric

□ [5:40 PM] i’ll be there

□ [5:40 PM] I usually am

 

[LATER]

 

From: Varric

□ [8:06 PM] I can see you over at the bar. Come over- there’s a game of wicked grace over at my table.

 

From: Girl who elbowed me in the face

■ [8:08 PM] Should I bring drinks? And I warn you- Im pretty good at wicked grace.

 

From: Varric

□ [8:09 PM] Please do. And should be fun then.

 

[LATER]

 

From: Varric Tethras

□ [11:13 PM] Woke up to five texts apologizing from a number I named ‘girl who elbowed me in the face’

□ [11:14 PM] Goes by Hawke

□ [11:51 PM] Looking for work apparently

□ [11:16 PM] She’s an apostate, but seems like she’s got her head on straight

□ [11:16 PM] The sister’s a charmer too- all sunshine and rainbows that one

□ [11:17 PM] Thinking about asking them to join Bartrand’s expedition

□ [11:18 PM] As partners, probably. The idiot could use the money.

□ [11:20 PM] she’s great- sarcastic, funny, gorgeous

□ [11:21 PM] apparently, i’ve got a type.

□ [11:21 PM] pretty good in bed too

□ [11:22 PM] She’s mumbling in her sleep. It’s kind of adorable.

 

From: Varric Tethras

□ [11:29 PM] I wish you were here.

 

From: Bianca Davri

● [12:03 AM] Go to sleep, Varric.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Bruises" by Chairlift (I still can't belive that came out seven years ago).  
> Also, Bartrand's phone number is fake.


End file.
